by Sifu Matthew Klein aka “The Sober Sifu”
Addiction Requires a Victim
As a sober coach and mentor to successful, high functioning, intelligent and competent individuals, it often makes no sense to their loved ones who give their heart and souls to help them get clean, their spouses who simply can’t feel like their addicted partners are trustworthy anymore, and even to the addicts themselves, who either don’t want to admit they are an addict, or they know they are, but simply do not have the knowledge to take control; Why with so much resource and support can they simply not get it?
- Why do they cheat on you when they know you love them?
- Why do they fall down, get up only to throw themselves down again?
- Why do they not care about anybody else including themselves?
- What is it gonna take for them to truly get clean and stay clean?
- Why does their rehab often not work?
While answering all of these questions will require a massive manuscript given each individuals’ specific situation, we can start with this area which I have witnessed as the major player in almost all addiction situations. Power.
Addictions are the belief of loss of control or loss of power. When an addict enters the state of addiction, they are in survival mode. That mode creates a blackout toward reality other than getting what they need in order to survive. They are caught in the domination / submission game and they will always end up being the loser. They lose because what they want is not only not good for them, but their addict mechanism lies and makes them believe their very life depends on what’s not good for them. Therefore the only potential they can manifest is a fiery intent to succeed at destroying themselves. This cycle is the “loss of power” cycle and until it is thoroughly healed and understood the addiction will never cease. Without understanding where power lives and how to manage and direct it, the addictions will simply take another form or shape.
The Victim is Addicted to Powerlessness
For the addict, they suffer from believing they are powerless and continue to replay that cycle by switching between victim and abuser. They play victim so they can abuse themselves and others in order to gain an imaginary fix that they can dominate. This will hold true in all addictions. Whether it be the vicious greed of a dictator like Hitler who was fixated on dominating his own frailty, a teenage boy or girl addicted to getting high off of opioids, or a married man addicted to affairs and porn. The mechanism will be the same.
Power Shares, Addiction Steals
Believing one is powerless, which is different from surrendering through humility, is quite different and will only fuel the addicts’ pain. Finding their authentic power automatically brings a state of surrender. Authentic power is receptive and flexible, like water or lava that adapts to its terrain without losing its power. Power shares. Addictions steal. Power is a choice, state and location. It can only be found within.
To learn more about eliminating powerlessness and becoming sober, clean, and directed, listen to the podcast below on Sobriety, Body and Martial Arts, and reach out to us at:
info@sobermartialarts.com , www.sobermartialarts.com, 800-634-4903
To the addict: “You are made of power. You are not powerless. You are dishonest. By telling yourself you are powerless, you can continue to avoid your power and be dishonest about your substance use. Seeing your power fully allows you to realize you can never be dominated by a substance or dis-regulated emotional state. It is the key becoming free and moving away from victimhood. “
